So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
