tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
