What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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