Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
