i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
