If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
