ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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