A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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