she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize