Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
