I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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