He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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