He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What drink are we having for lunch?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Couch. On fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
