if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
