The maid of honor just puked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
