He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
