Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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