I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
