you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
