Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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