If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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