Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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