all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
