He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
