I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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