Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
