the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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