He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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