Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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