Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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