the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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