I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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