You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
