I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
