I hate all girls vehemently.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
