Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize