There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
