ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
