I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Still dying that you shit outside
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
