is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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