you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
