i would punch a child for taco bell
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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