You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize