I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
