I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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