the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
