dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
