I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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