hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
