i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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