I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize