You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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