I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
