I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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