dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
