Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
