dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
