to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
