Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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