just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
