I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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