Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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