I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
