it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
