I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Even my vagina gasped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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