I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
