She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude i'm inner monologue high
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
