i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
