ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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