put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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