If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
