So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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