Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
