haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize