My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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