hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
