First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize