Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
