I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
