I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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