Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
