May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize