If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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