Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
