i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
