you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
