i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
