i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
