Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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