you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
