There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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