If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
