they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
