No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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