my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
