capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
