i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
