Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
