Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
