You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
