u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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