There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is wine microwaveable?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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