My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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