I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
