someone threw a dead crab at me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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