she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
