Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i've created a new STD.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
