Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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