I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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