im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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