I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
